THE BERRY PICKER

PRIMATES

Seems fitting to start our theory at the beginning with our evolutionary ring leaders, so to speak. In order to do so we had to go back circa 22 million years. Indeed a mind twister, our tonic is to drink a few fingers of whisky and to let that fact percolate and settle.
What we found was a bunch of drunk monkeys.

Our early brothers and sisters also discovered other joys that have continued into modern times. They are champion self entertainers (They have hands after all). I know what you are thinking – a bunch of dirty chaps! Do you think that the fermented berries played a role in this? We like to think so.

INGREDIENTS

Fermented Honey Dew Melon / Lemon Sherbet / Cucumber / Earth / Jalapeño Tequila / Tonic Water

COUSIN NEOLITH

NEOLITHIC

Ever gone out for one drink and ended up, well, drunk? It was not the plan and you are sure it’s not your fault. Well, it’s not your fault. You were simply following a natural evolutionary trend triggered by our Neolithic cousins in circa 10,000 BC. It looked like a fig, smelled like a fig, but oh my, this was not any normal fig. This fig made you laugh and do stupid things. We like this fig. Let’s get more figs. Because now we don’t give a fig.

INGREDIENTS

Roasted Fig Syrup / Juniper Fig Leaf Tincture / Panama Rum / Single Grain Teeling Whisky / Olorosso Sherry / Avocado Liqueur / Cinnamon Bark Syrup / Lime

SHUNGA BLOSSOM

JOMON PERIOD

In Japan, traces on prehistoric pottery suggest fruit-brewing as early as the Jomon Period (c. 12,000 B.C. – c. 300 B.C.).

“A civilization stands or falls by the degree to which drink has entered the lives of its people, and from that point of view Japan must rank very high among the civilizations of the world,” Kenichi Yoshida.

Do you think this early start helped stimulate the minds (and bodies) of those who inspired a society-wide love for Shunga Art during the Edo period. Lets sit back, sip and contemplate the evolutionary implications of such a thought.

INGREDIENTS

Ponzu / Licorice Liquor / Marshmallow / Lemon / Cream / Egg White / Orange Flower Water / Kombu Infused Johnnie Walker Black Label / Soda Water

TUNGUS

SHAMANISM

EShamans first appear in history around 10,000 years ago. The word “Shaman” stems from the Tungus verb ‘to know’. We like to believe that our bartenders are modern day shamans. ‘We know’ how to enable you to realise your inner evolutionary desires, and release you from the daily bonds of life.

Humanity loves to seek an altered state of consciousness. Look into the bottom of your glass. Find what you are seeking. The answer is there… if not, order another and try again.

INGREDIENTS

Roasted Fig Syrup / Juniper Fig Leaf Tincture / Panama Rum / Single Grain Teeling Whisky / Olorosso Sherry / Avocado Liqueur / Cinnamon Bark Syrup / Lime

ONE THOUSAND

HINDUISM

Flash forward around 7,000 years and you’ll observe we have progressed, marginally. A simple alcoholic beverage flowed freely in the Indus Valley Civilization; Hindu Ayurvedic texts describe the pros and cons of Sura (beer). Good news for humanity, as Sura proved to be a great laxative.

Around this time, Sushruta recorded in his famous medical compendium, the Samhita, that he who drinks “Soma” (an alcoholic ritual drink) will not age, and will be impervious to fire, poison or weapon attack. I’m pretty sure a fine Scottish fellow mentioned something similar about whisky, but let us not digress from our thesis. Impressively, it was believed that Soma could embolden the drinker with the energy of 1,000 elephants. Stampede at Stockton, I hear you shout.

INGREDIENTS

Ginger / Honey / Lemon / Yellow Chartreuse / Tropical Ardbeg / Curry Leaves / Angostura Bitters / Spiced Bourbon

UDRE UDRE

CANIBALISM

It was over 3,000 years ago that the first people migrated from Southeast Asia to the Polynesian Islands. These were the masters of the sea. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for these chaps, no alcohol brought on board before departure ever survived the journey over the sea, despite their mastery. It wasn’t until the 1700s that the holy water infiltrated the islands.

Despite this, humanity in all corners of the world proved to be resourceful in the use of evolutionary wisdom. Numerous other forms of mind-bending escapism were found and weaved into ceremony and ritual. This is perhaps unsurprising as we can’t help but feel a good meal of one your brothers, or neighbours, would drive one to need a drink or two.

INGREDIENTS

Roasted Coconut Cane / Amaro Montenegro / Curry Leaf Infused Angostura Di Amaro / Pineapple / Carrot / Malic Acid / Desi Bitters / Cachaca

TAKE ME TO BABYLON

ANCIENT BABYLON

As with all good advancements in humanity we evolved and praised all things close to our heart. In this period we started to worship a wine goddess and other wine deities. Our passion for alcohol and escapism has now firmly been entrenched into our Darwinian path. The humble fermented berry has come a long way, whilst humanity continues to stumble through evolution, groping at the meaning of life.

We can also thank our Babylonian forefathers for other great developments. It appears that we first shifted from missionary to other more progressive positions during this period, and there is strong evidence to show that sodomy was proposed as a good form of contraception. Bless that wine goddess.

INGREDIENTS

Coffee / Pomegranate / Barolo Chinato / Red Chili Aperol / Cocoa Nib Hine VSOP / Tonic Water

SIN TAX

SOUTHEAST ASIA

Let’s jump to the chemistry of our thesis for a moment. Ethanol helps release serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins in the brain; chemicals that make us happy and less anxious. I’ll take more of that, good sir.

Over the past 10,000 years we have been refining this pleasure process, leading to an inevitably entwined genetic love affair. Intercourse feels better with a side of dopamine. She looked a lot better when my endorphins were pumping.

INGREDIENTS

Young Coconut / Kaffir Lime Liquor / Citric Solution / Pandan Tanqueray Gin

DAISY CHAIN

ROMANS

The Roman conquest of the Mediterranean basin (509-100 BC) was marked with heavy drinking, blind ambition, degeneracy and corruption. It’s also said much of Western society values stems from this. Tell your boss tomorrow, it was the Romans’ fault.

Macedonians considered being drunk a sign of masculinity. Alexander the Great’s mother was famous for inebriety. At this point in time, evolution has shaped us to deify the joys of vast alcoholic pursuits.

A major moment for humanity to use its vast brain power for good was exhibited by the Phoenicians who invented glass blowing. An influential point in history and certainly one worth raising your glass to. We can’t find any connection between Roman alcohol and their infamous orgies, but we can commit to continue our research with gusto. Sign up behind the bar for our next session.

INGREDIENTS

Champagne Vinegar / Dry Vermouth / Liquid Amino / Hon Dashi Bianco / Baby Peach / Tried & True Vodka

THE LOST CITY

AZTECS

Now, if you were the first person to discover Tequila, would you claim it for yourself, or create a totally remarkable story that would charm your people and, of course, give yourself direct access to such deities? Meet Quetzacóatl, the ancient Mesoamerican god who planted the “first” agave plant. (Agave, as you know, is the plant that gives us spirits like tequila, mezcal, and in the case of the Aztecs, an alcoholic ritual drink called “pulque”.) Officially our favorite god of all time. We like to think of Quetzacóatl as a former-day George Clooney.

Our Darwinian journey is blazing forward now with gusto. Aztecs proved to be great architects, famously building great cities over abandoned structures. Pulque, however, clearly acted as a counterforce, leading us to wonder if there is a connection between the Aztecs’ regular swig of the vessel and their eventual downfall. Despite this, the power of pulque soldiered on, eventually gracing us with the invention of Tequila. Let’s pour one out for the Aztecs, shall we?

INGREDIENTS

Beetroot Shrub / Orange Sherbet / Kaffir Lime / Jalapeño Blanco Tequila

PRESCRIPTION FROM HEAVEN

REFORMATION

Here comes the Christian Church. God bless them.

Alcohol was a gift from God. Spot a recurring theme here? We are an innovative clan. However, the chaps with unlimited access to God now decided that being that drunk was a sin, unless of course, you had a good relationship with the Lord.

In 1500s, we used our evolutionary wisdom to start distilling alcohol. Another big jump forward for humanity, that then regularly took us back to our primal state, faster. By the 1600s the average amount a person consumed in Coventry, Great Britain was 17 pints of beer per week. Not much progression there.

INGREDIENTS

Toasted Dark Malt / Guinness Syrup / Scotch Honey Liquor / Lime / Black Walnut Bitters / Egg White / Brown Butter Rum

LIFE WATER

VIKINGS

In Viking mythology, the men in Odin’s Valhalla are furnished with an endless supply of drink from the great goat Heiðrún, whose udders run with mead (beer). The mighty Odin himself does not deign to eat, but lives solely on wine. What a splendid chap. Humanity’s passion for the fine tipple is now folklore and being rewarded to the bravest soul, like free-flow champagne at brunch. With such enticing rewards, it should come as no surprise that we have developed genetic and neurochemical traits that drive us to compulsively drink. Evolutionary forces suggest you order another drink.

INGREDIENTS

Pistachio / Caraway / Sherry / Lime / Mace Tincture / Mezcal / Ketel One Jenever / Tanqueray Dry Gin